Girls with ADHD: Why They Are Often Missed and How to Spot the Signs
Why girls slip under the radar
Most research on ADHD began with hyperactive boys in classroom settings. As a result diagnostic criteria and public perception center on running, climbing and blurting out responses. Girls who fidget quietly, daydream or smile through anxiety rarely fit this picture. Teachers may view them as chatty or anxious rather than inattentive. Parents notice homework struggles but assume a lack of effort or perfectionism. These misunderstandings delay assessment and support, leaving many girls to navigate school and social life without the tools they need.
Masking and compensation
Girls learn early to hide differences in order to blend in.
They watch classmates and copy behaviours to appear attentive.
They finish group tasks at home so no one sees slow work at school.
They laugh off missed instructions and rely on friends for reminders.
They channel restless energy into doodling or nail picking instead of loud movement.
Masking drains energy and raises stress. By late primary years many girls feel exhausted from keeping up appearances yet still receive feedback that they are underachieving.
Inattentive traits that adults overlook
Frequent daydreaming and zoning out during lessons
Slow to start tasks even when they understand the material
Losing personal items like hair ties, books or sports gear
Needing to read text multiple times to absorb meaning
Appearing shy or tuned out during group discussions
Messy backpacks and lockers despite neat outward appearance
These behaviors can be misread as laziness or lack of motivation rather than signs of an attention difference.
Emotional clues unique to girls
Girls with undiagnosed ADHD often internalise struggles which can look like
High levels of worry about grades or social acceptance
Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes
Sudden tears or shutdown after a small correction
Reporting stomach aches or headaches on test days
Negative self-talk such as I am stupid or Everyone is smarter than me
Because these signs overlap with anxiety or depression many girls receive mental health treatment without an ADHD assessment.
Social dynamics in primary school
Friendships for young girls rely on conversation and shared play themes. Inattention can cause missed jokes or off topic remarks. Impulsivity may show as talking over peers or switching games before others are ready. Rejection can lead girls with ADHD to become people-pleasers, agreeing to anything to stay included. They may accept unfair treatment to avoid conflict, further harming self-esteem.
Teenage years: new pressures, new signs
Hormonal changes and increased academic demands in high school amplify ADHD challenges.
Assignment deadlines multiply and require long term planning.
Reading loads increase and skim attention shows in lower comprehension.
Social circles grow more complex. Subtle humor and group texts are hard to follow.
Emotional swings intensify around test weeks and social drama.
Many girls develop coping methods such as excessive studying late at night or relying heavily on caffeine.
Teachers may label them anxious high achievers without recognizing the underlying attention differences.
Spotting the signs at home
Ask yourself and your daughter these questions
Does she re-read pages but still forget content minutes later
Is homework stretched far longer than teachers expect
Are simple daily routines like packing a bag or brushing hair often incomplete
Does she rely on siblings or parents to keep track of times and tasks
Does she say she feels stupid even when her grades are average or above
Is her bedroom a series of half finished projects
A pattern across settings suggests more than typical disorganisation.
What teachers can watch for
Quiet student who appears tuned out yet never disruptive
Smart verbal answers in class but missing details in written work
Group project partner reports she forgets her part or misses meetings
Assignments with good introduction but incomplete endings
Frequent restroom breaks that may be attempts to reset attention
Sharing these observations with parents can prompt an assessment sooner.
Path to diagnosis
Gather evidence. Collect school reports, teacher emails, and samples of inconsistent work.
Book with a psychologist or paediatrician experienced in assessing girls. Highlight masking behaviors and internal struggles.
Request a broad assessment that includes anxiety and learning profiles to capture the full picture.
Discuss results openly with your daughter. Emphasise strengths such as creativity and empathy alongside attention challenges.
Supporting girls after diagnosis
At home
Use visual planners and color coding for tasks.
Break homework into timed blocks with movement breaks.
Celebrate effort not just grades.
Encourage hobbies that build confidence like art, dance or coding.
At school
Seat near teacher for gentle refocus cues.
Provide task checklists and allow assignments in smaller segments.
Offer alternative ways to show learning such as oral presentations or videos.
Pair with a kind classmate for peer reminders.
Social coaching
Role play starting and ending conversations.
Teach scripts for requesting time to think before answering.
Reinforce boundary setting so friendships stay healthy.
Resources for girls and parents
Books for girls
A Dash of Yellow by Sarah Koutsis
The Girls Guide to ADHD by BethWalker
Books for parents
Understanding Girls with ADHD by Nadeau Littman and Quinn
Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg
Online communities
ADDitude Forum section for women and girls
Girls with ADHD Australia Facebook group
Apps
Todoist for task lists
Calm Harm for managing strong emotions
Take home messages
ADHD in girls often shows as quiet inattention and high anxiety rather than visible hyperactivity.
Masking hides symptoms but drains energy and self confidence.
Early recognition prevents academic gaps and mental health struggles.
Strength based supports at home and school help girls thrive academically and socially.
Gayton Psychology offers assessments tailored to the unique presentation of ADHD in girls and provides strategies that fit their learning style and emotional needs.
Phone 0422 651 697
Web gaytonpsychology.com
Email katherine@gaytonpsychology.com
Understanding the signs today can change a girl’s tomorrow.